Loving ourselves and others
And, one more re-share. I wrote this last year (June 2021) as part of a company pride post (See original post; mine is the second story.)
All of us have labels that we use to describe ourselves. Some labels I use to describe myself are: pansexual, queer, polyamorous, relationship anarchist. I describe myself as being pansexual because I am unconcerned with gender labels when evaluating to who I am attracted; I consider myself a relationship anarchist because I am unconcerned with placing a label on relationships, am open to relationships falling wherever they may land on a relationship spectrum, and don’t necessarily place romantic relationships as more important than strong friendships. So in a way even labeling myself as pansexual or a relationship anarchist feels pretty funny to me, as the labels themselves nod to my acknowledgement of how limiting labeling can be!
I didn't always understand these things about myself. In fact, I didn't even learn some of these words/phrases—like pansexual and relationship anarchy—until late into my 20s or early 30s. My understanding of how I view myself has been a slow and steady evolution. It has luckily not been a painful journey, I think largely due to my family’s unconditional love, respect, and “whatever makes you happy” attitude, as well my own personal acceptance of an evolving self.
I have a loving family who I knew wouldn’t be phased by any of these revelations. As expected, I was met warmly with responses that had the undertones of “If you are happy, I am happy for you! <3”. When I told my dad I started seeing a woman for the first time, he waited for me to finish telling him about the relationship and then responded with “I may be mistaken, but I think this is the first time you’ve told me about a woman, is that right?” When I responded with a “yup!”, he came back with, “I thought so! Tell me about her. What does she do?”. ...I acknowledge I am incredibly privileged in this respect, and that not everyone has this support, which is such a shame. I feel so lucky to have a family that doesn’t make me second guess who I am.
I also do my best to be relatively open to changing (or the view of myself changing). The people we think we are when we are 18 will not necessarily be the people we are (or will view ourselves as) when we are 30, 50, and so on. We’re constantly changing, understanding ourselves better, distancing ourselves from conforming to what other people want us to be, and updating our internal algorithms that help us interpret how we see ourselves and how we interact with the world around us. By being open to the fact that we are complex, always changing beings, and being open to our own emotional and personal evolution, we will be more accepting of ourselves as we come into our own, discover new views from which to see the world, and understand ourselves better.
There are many for which their coming out journey was—or will be—painful and agonizing, and may even cause estrangement from family. But if we accept our family and friends for the people they are, it doesn’t have to be this way! I see Pride month as being about love and acceptance. Practicing acceptance and respect for others, the fact that we all choose to live our lives a little differently, and celebrating those differences.
It is important that we also make sure to point this acceptance inward. Accept ourselves as we are, give ourselves room to change and grow—or for our understanding of ourselves to change and grow—do our best to understand these changes, and love ourselves along the way. 💜